Sunday, August 24, 2008

what is wrong with me and more venting

I don''t know why I cant get back on track.  Today I had perfect breakfast and perfect lunch and then I ate two whole chocolate bars and plantain chips for dinner(my friend sent them to me from Ecuador). Why I am I doing this? I am waiting to gain back all the weight I have lost? I want to stop. Help!  I have done no exercise for about a week. I feel myself drifting to the bad place.. The I'll-just-eat-whatever-I-want-and-think-about-it-later place. I keep rationalizing that I really don't look so bad.  I really want to lose the weight and be healthy. I want to have a healthy relationship with food. I want to have a healthy nutrition so that my body can fight off any sickness and be strong. This is what I want. roght now I weigh 130 lbs. Bad. Bad. Bad. just 5 pounds would bring me to a very happy place. 10 would be glory. In august I have gained two pounds. There is still a week left in august so I have to get my act together and at least end up without a gain. This is so hard for me right no. I am such a Binger its not even funny. 

1 comment:

Heather said...

theres nothing wrong with you at all! everyone feels like this from time to time. but stop the feelings of failure because this doesnt mean that you have failed. I think you need to stop worrying about being "perfect" and just focus on doing what you can do. somtimes when we focus on being perfect, we dont forgive ourselves when we cannot be. you just need to let go of trying to do everythign right and thinking if you dont, you will fail. I can gaurantee you that I messed up many times and overate and skipped on exercise, but I never gave up and I made it to my goal. I know you can too, so dont think of this as failure or proof you cant do it. you can, just forgive yourself for this, realize you arent perfect, and do what you can tomorrow.