what is wrong with me and more venting

I don''t know why I cant get back on track.  Today I had perfect breakfast and perfect lunch and then I ate two whole chocolate bars and plantain chips for dinner(my friend sent them to me from Ecuador). Why I am I doing this? I am waiting to gain back all the weight I have lost? I want to stop. Help!  I have done no exercise for about a week. I feel myself drifting to the bad place.. The I'll-just-eat-whatever-I-want-and-think-about-it-later place. I keep rationalizing that I really don't look so bad.  I really want to lose the weight and be healthy. I want to have a healthy relationship with food. I want to have a healthy nutrition so that my body can fight off any sickness and be strong. This is what I want. roght now I weigh 130 lbs. Bad. Bad. Bad. just 5 pounds would bring me to a very happy place. 10 would be glory. In august I have gained two pounds. There is still a week left in august so I have to get my act together and at least end up without a gain. This is so hard for me right no. I am such a Binger its not even funny. 

Miami Vacation

So I know its been more than a week since my last post. I went away to Miami for the whole week. I had a blast. The white sand and crystal clear water. It was really awesome and recharging. I went swimming in the ocean almost every day and was pretty good with my eating for the first couple of days then too much wine got in the way and before I realized it I have gained 2 pounds.  BUt its OK I really needed that week to unwind . I have great news, I start to work on Monday! I am so excited. so I know that now that I'll be out of the house all day I will have less time to eat. Over all I am feeling much better that the last time I posted even though I have gained some weight I really feel like I am creeping along to my goal of a new and improved me. Now that I'm back home full steam ahead to weight loss !

I'm going to check in with my favorite blogs hope you all are doing well and keep going down :)

cheers!!

Binge #2

so I ate many things I cant even mention here. The last 2 days I've been eating. I think it is because I bought 100 calorie packs os twix chocolates. I decided to have one for my snack instead of what I usually have and It didn't take my hunger away. And I ended up eating all the 7 chocolates and after tat I had chips and lots of rice with meat. I have gained 1.6 pounds. I am dusting off the twix crumbles and moving on. Today I had the right breakfast and am plannin the right lunch with lots of veggies. I pray to God there will no more funny business. I wonder why I have been so unmotivated the last 2 days. Wait, call from my ex. Have been very bored at home too. Wish I could be back in Miami. I pray that someone will call me today about that job I went to try out last week. all in all gloomy feelings out here in the sunny state. 

Fidgeting = Weight loss

Even though I really do not like Oprah much due to her agenda of pushing her new age stuff on people I was reading thought her site on weight loss and I found something quiet interesting. People who are natural fidgeters burn at least 1000 more calories a day than those of us who are passive. I guess it makes perfect sense but wow.  And my mom was always telling me to sit still. I blame her. I have decided I'm going to strive to move and fidget all day even if it just moving my toes :) I'n not sure who much I will be able to keep this up since natural fidgeters do it unconsciously but is worth a try. I will fidget as much as possible. I will keep you all posted on the results lol.

cbs

Cheers

Twilight oreo zone

128? even with the oreos and Ice cream? something very weird is going on. I like it!! lol :)

SO I had oreos and vanilla Ice cream. Weekends are just bad for me,

BOREEEEEEEEED

I am bored out of my mind! I think I might go crazy. I really need to find some friends out here. I want to go back to Miami............. aghhhh suburbia hell is killing me~ Now I know why I have been eating so much the last 8 months or so to kill my boredom.  Must find interesting things to do. 

Must find cute guys to date.......... Must find al least someone to go to the movies with. Life in the country is soooooo slowwwww!

Imaginary weight in day #3

Drum roll please..................... 128.6 almost a whole pound less. Very exciting to be in the 128.anything. A little bit scary too. I'm actually doing this. I can't believe it.  I don't know why I felt this way this morning. This time I am finally really committed to losing all of the extra weight not just the recently acquired from the last weight loss attempt, like I usually do.  I have never been skinny. I'm a little scared that I will do it and at the same time excited. Do people respect skinny girls as much? I don't know why I started thinking about that today. Do all skinny girls seem like bimbos to you?   I supposed I will have to do away with that preconceived notion because not too far away from today I myself will be a SKINNY girl. Can't believe it.

The incredible part is I'm actually enjoying the food.  Before I would have just stuffed anything into my mouth without giving it a second thought. Just lots of carbs, pasta with lots of cheese or rice or a sandwich or whatever, nothing too creative. Now I find myself searching for new ways to eat different things and that effort is really paying off. I love to eat fresh fruit and vegetables with my meals. Yesterday I made this awesome spinach quiche  and you can find the recipe here. They turned out sooo good. I substituted shredded carrots and yellow squash for the peppers and added garlic and cumin and fat free turkey bacon. I also made a cheese sauce to go with it. I just put cottage and a couple of leaves of parsley and salt in the blender. MMMMm so good. I cant wait to have it as a side dish today at lunch (lunch is the biggest meal in my day which is customary of Latin Americans and incidentally a good thing in weight loss)  anyways my crust less quiche is packed full of veggies and protein because of the egg whites.  I'm going to keep looking for other recipes for vegetables. This quiche thing I'm already thinking it's going to be great to add anything to.

Us Latin American we just don't eat steamed vegetables. It is too plain. You will never be offered that anywhere over there and because of that i guess I don't really like them, especially broccoli yuck!!!. Quiches however are a really big part of our foods, quiches and tarts and casseroles. That is where we get a lot of our veggies from. Also very intricate salads. So now I'm going to dig up recipes for all the veggie filled meals I like and make them healthy. I'm excited. I have always liked veggies very much in such dishes.

I had one problem yesterday. I went running and my knees felt really weak. Especially behind the knees and especially when I started running faster. I felt like they would give away at any time. So I cut my run short and walked home. I wonder what is going on. I think I'm going to stop running for a couple of days, Maybe my knees are tired? Maybe I haven't been stretching enough? I anyways  I'm kind of sad about that. 

So today has been lots of mixed feelings but over all I think excitement is the biggest feeling going around these parts.

I say all this because today is the day that I finally see real results. Its not in my head anymore. My pants are definitely loser. I feel the difference and it feels wonderful!

Update

So I've been really lazy and haven't gone running in two days.  Tomorrow would be weight in day if I hadn't changed it to every two weeks and let me tell you I am glad I changed it because as of today I weight the same. At least I lost the pound that I gained thanx to the binge. Yuck, I would have been one pound under ;( thus locking myself in the 120's for good. 129.4 is a little too close to 130 for my taste. 

Today's goals:

-watch my portions, even though its good food it still adds up.

-Run the 2.1 miles interval training all the way.

hopefully tomorrow I will weigh at least .2 pounds less ;)

The fat pants in levels

I have a problem. I know at first I thought I was losing weight too fast. I also know I've only been eating well for 2 weeks now going on the third one but I feel like now It is too slow. Last week from friday to friday I only lost 1.6 pounds and now I'm thinking what if the scale was just wrong. I have also measured myself and I appear to have lost some inches every where but I cant help but feel that maybe I was just measuring wrong before, maybe I left the measuring tape too lose?  

I have been going out for runs doing interval training everyday so I feel like I should be seeing more results especially since I have changed my routine so drastically. 

Maybe I just need to relax and continue living my life and trust that all my efforts will count in the long run.  Also I think I may be self-sabotaging

. When I started my weight loss efforts 3 weeks ago I was the heaviest I had been in all of my life. Now 6 pounds later I am still at the heaviest I have ever been. I just wish time could by sooner so I can reach 125 lbs which is a weight that I can deal with.  At this rate that is going to be in a month. I guess that's not so bad. I guess I just want some kind of warranty that if I keep doing exactly what I am doing I will lose at least 1.6 pounds a week and that those 1.6 pounds aren't just normal up and down caused by water weight or something. How do I know? I guess only time will tell. In the past I have lost at least 4 pounds per week but I guess that is why I gained it all back. I am just used to losing weight fast, and the moving on with my life. I guess I have to live my life in weight loss mode. I know I have posted about this before but I guess I just go back to that thought all the time.

This past week I have been wearing my ex fat pants that now fit me tightly. Yes I have ex fat pants because recently I bought a new pair of fat pants that I had been wearing because nothing else would fit me. The new fat pants are now slightly loser on me so in my lack a patience I already want to squeeze into the next pair of fat pants down. I'm not going to do this anymore. 

As I see it I have 5 levels of pants in my closet

-1 The final fat pants: pants bought last month which are the biggest ever

-2 Extra fat pants: the ones I bought last year when I gained all the weight then. (this are the ones I have been squeezing into this week)

-3 The "fat pants": as I like to refer to a pair of pants that I used to wear in college as my fat pants but are significantly smaller that the previous mentioned pants.

-4 The normal pants: there are 3 pairs of pants that I like to believe are my normal weight pants but in reality I have only been able to wear them for 3 or 4 months of the year in the las 4 years when I get to my "normal weight" Which is every time I yo yo down. Once a year

-5 The tiny pants: This are a pair of pants that I ordered online and are really cute but for some reason were so tiny they never fit me. I have only worn this pants once in my life and this was due to a severe depression that I went through as a side effect of birth control bad bad Yaz. Imagine I was so skinny I could fit into the tiny pants and not even that could make me smile at the time. 

Now i have decided to make this my new goal. I want to fit into those tiny pants and be happy at the same time!

So now that I have explained the 5 levels of pants that live in my closet my point with all this was that I am not going to try to squeeze into the next level down pants until the current level pants feel so lose that I can't wear them comfortably anymore. I came to the realization that if every time I feel a little bit thiner I run and try to squeeze my booty into something smaller I'm never going to be encouraged. I have to be thankful first that I feel a little thinner that 3 weeks ago and that is the important thing.

I ask my lord Jesus to give me strength! and he will because he is very faithful. (for those who haven't figured it out yet, yes I can be a little super christian Jesus freak lol but I can't help it)

all in all I really thank you guys for checking on me and commenting on my rants, and really keeping me accountable.

God Bless! 

someday I will be fit into those elusive tiny pants!

Day after Binge, re-organization.

So I got up this morning and I was really hungry. That always happens to me after a binge which is ridiculous. When I have a huge dinner the next day I'm starving, maybe my brain adapts to eating a lot an thinks its the way its going to be from then on I don't know. 

I had a small breakfast of 1 slice of carb light bread some ham and coffee. I know not ideal especially since you are supposed to indulge at breakfast time to keep from feeling deprived but I figured I wont be feeling deprived any time soon after last night.  Also I went shopping for healthy goodies so that I can be prepared. I have to eat healthy food that I love. I was reading this post earlier and I got really inspired by it. I will not just push broccoli into my mouth to fill me up. I have decided I don't really like broccoli. Yuck. I am also getting very tired of cottage cheese, I need to find an alternative way to eat lean proteins. I don't really like seafood. MM well I like shrimp and tuna. The problem with tuna is that my mind has already labeled it diet food. When I eat tuna I feel like I'm being punished. I wonder how I can disassociate tuna from diet food because I really do like it. Its just that I never have it unless I an consciously trying to eat more lean proteins. Mmmm. What to do. I think I'm just not going to have any tuna unless I have a craving for it of some kind. There will be no more forced eating of anything.   

The funny thing is that when I was eating whatever and gaining weight like crazy I would eat rice and cheese and pasta everyday. Why is it I never got tired of white rice, pasta, white bread and cheese? But cottage cheese, beans and tuna if I eat them too often drive me crazy. This week I will not have any of those 3 things unless I crave them.

I keep you guys posted on what happens.  

Despues de la Tormenta Llega la Calma (the calm after the storm)

I don't know what happened everything was going fine I had cooked extra healthy meat loaf with summer squash, carrots, onions and egg whites. I had my perfect lunch and all was great. But then my stomach started to ache a little bit. I think I might have to eat more carbs because I have been eating too much protein I don't know. But then my Mom , Nephew and Sister came in with Burger King bags and that was it I don't know what come over me and I ate like a crazy person. It was so disgusting and the worst part is that I felt so full, my poor stomach, I wanted to throw up (sorry for being so graphic), but I have this terrible fear of becoming Bulimic.  So I waited for a little bit for the food to settle and went out for some exercise. I jogged for 20 minutes and my stomach was killing me . I kid you not it is 10:30 pm, I ate this stuff at around 3:00 pm and I still feel abnormally full.  That food is so bad for you my body is complaining. I already apologized to myself for the sabotage. Ew, really at least I felt so physically sick that I might have learned my lesson.  Incredible and I really did not eat that much I mean 3 weeks ago I could have had twice that amount of food and kept on going like nothing happened. So I guess this is my way of looking at the glass half full. ;) I also went online and saw a lot of information that says that one Binge does not affect you weight at all as long as you continue you weight loss efforts. We'll see about that. I don't think I have the courage to weight myself tomorrow. Thank you Heather and Mizfit for your support ;) 

Jim, I know, it doesn't just sound disgusting, it is disgusting, yuck yuck yuck!

You know what I am thinking Smartones are to blame (I have their chocolate cake for breakfast twice a week). They are the only food that I have indulging in, they left the door open for that type of crap to creap into my diet.  I vow not to eat them anymore!

Tomorrow twice the exercise and Tuesday too just in case!

binge

so I went crazy and ate half a whopper some fries, some chicken fries and two pancakes with syrup and butter .. ooooooowwww aghhh I am so full I'm going to explode!!!  oh yeah and some Coke non diet

Survey about me

What time did you get up this morning? 7:49 am

Diamonds or pearl ? diamonds are a girl's best friend!

What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Wally it was so cute!

What is your favorite TV show? Greys Anatomy

What do you usually have for breakfast? Yoghurt, fruit, walnuts and honey.

What is your middle name? Cristina no h

What food do you dislike? beets ew

What is your favorite CD at the moment? Caetano Veloso, Prenda Minha, beautiful bosanova Brasilian music!

What kind of car do you drive? used to drive a blue bmv thai i loved Her name was smurfette. But had to sell her on account of crumbling economy ;( now I have no car.

Favorite sandwich? Sanducherie Miami Beach, incedrible sandwiches, any of them with their mustard sauce

What characteristic do you despise? Fake

Favorite item of clothing? my skinny jeans when i fit in them. Or any cute bouble dress that makes me look 10 pounds less

If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Italy and switzerland.

Where would you retire to? Near my family.

What was your most recent memorable birthday? I turned 26 and when to Tapas & Tintos, wonderfull spanish place with live music, dancing lots of Sangria!

Furthest place you are sending this? where it wants to go

Person you expect to send it back first? mmmm

When is your birthday? Nov 22

Morning person or a night person? Morning, even when I used to party a lot in college I would be up the ext day at 9 am

What is your shoe size? 6

Pets? 3 dogs 2 cats

Any exciting news you’d like to share with us? Job tryout on Tuesday!

What did you want to be when you were little? Veterinarian

How are you today? Happy, a little melancholic and a little anxious because I have to study a lot for Tuesday.

What is your favorite flower? daisy

What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to seeing? Oct 10, final weight in

What are you listening to right now? dead silence inside my house, birds chirping outside, computer buzzing.

What was the last thing you ate? splurged at breakfast, Smartones chocolate cake with light vanilla ice cream

Do you wish on stars? No I pray to God and He answers.

If you were a crayon, what color would you be? I love crayons mmmm I would be hot pink or sienna one that has a cool name and personality!

How is the weather right now? beautiful blue sky!

Last person you spoke to on the phone? My Greek friend that I love.

Favorite soft drink? Iced tea

Favorite restaurant? Villaggio at Merrick Park in Coral Gables. I love their Pastas.

Favorite color? Yellow since I was little.

What was your favorite toy as a child? stuffed dog that was missing one ear and one eye. His name was "Perrito"

Summer or winter? summer

Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate, that's a stupid question!! lol

Coffee or tea? coffee

Do you want your friends to email you back? sure

When was the last time you cried? last night watching my Novela when Alfonso Corte Real died he was so handsome and brave and yet Rosario never loved him. lol! he died in battle as the Hero he was!

What is under your bed? Some of my old art work that can't bring myself to sell and have been offered lots of money for. Also these mats that have spikes that my Mom puts on my bed so that our Great Dane Gaston won't climb on my bed.

What did you do last night? Watched my Novela, read the Bible.

What are you afraid of? Not being able to accomplish what God had prepared for my life.

Salty or sweet? sweet

How many keys on your key ring? none door is always open at this house

How many years at your current job? doing what i'm doing now its been 4 years

Favorite day of the week? mmm all days are good

Do you make friends easily? I am very outgoing, so yes my Mom used to say I could be befriend rocks if they sat next to me in school.

How many people will you send this to? none, I'm hoping they will read it here and post their own lists if the want.

How many will respond? 1?

Weigh in day #2

Hello!! happy morning today at weight in land!! I weigh 129.4!!! yeah baby!! I'm the 120's I haven't been in a long time . It's critical diet concentration time ladies and gentlemen! I'm going to continue with the extra strict weekend! this was my perfect menu yesterday:
Breakfast
1 carblight wrap pizza with
extra mozzarella cheese (wanted to indulge in the morning)
Fresh tomatoes
low fat ham
olive oil
Lunch
-pulled chicken with onions (I boil the chicken in water with onions salt and garlic, when its fully cooked I pull it to make string like pieces, then I sautee it on a pan with sweet onions and sprinkle any herbs or seasoning, its great for Mexican dishes)
-salad with spinach, beans, avocado, chick peas, tomatoes and celery and chives
-vinegar and lemon dressing
Dinner
1 big omelet with one egg and added egg whites from carton
spinach
onions
ham
tomatoes
1 side of cottage cheese
I had no snacks because I didn't feel hungry and that ladies and gents is what I call one perfect strict diet day!
I also ran 2.2 miles and did my metabolism boosting exercise

America's 20 Worst Foods!

EEEWWWWW

Men's Health published a list of America's 20 worst foods based on not only fats, but also calories, sodium, and carbs. In other words, if you're looking to lose weight or even just stop your waistline from expanding, these are the foods you'll want to avoid:
#20 - Worst Fast-Food Chicken MealChicken Selects Premium Breast Strips from McDonald's (5 pieces) with creamy ranch sauce. 830 calories, 55 grams (g) fat (4.5 g trans fat), 48 g carbohydrates.
#19 - Worst DrinkJamba Juice Chocolate Moo'd Power Smoothie (30 fl oz)900 calories 10 g fat, 183 g carbs (166 g sugar).
#18 - Worst Supermarket MealPepperidge Farm Roasted Chicken Pot Pie (whole pie)1,020 calories, 64 g fat, 86 g carbs.
#17 - Worst "Healthy" BurgerRuby Tuesday Bella Turkey Burger1,145 calories, 71 g fat, 56 g carbs.
#16 - Worst Mexican EntreeChipotle Mexican Grill Chicken Burrito1,179 calories, 47 g fat, 125 g carbs, 2,656 milligrams (mg) sodium.
#15 - Worst Kids' MealMacaroni Grill Double Macaroni 'n' Cheese1,210 calories, 62 g fat, 3,450 mg sodium.
#14 - Worst SandwichQuiznos Classic Italian (large)1,528 calories, 92 g fat, 4,604 mg sodium, 110 g carbs.
#13 - Worst SaladOn the Border Grande Taco Salad with Taco Beef1,450 calories, 102 g fat, 78 g carbs, 2,410 mg sodium.
#12 - Worst BurgerCarl's Jr. Double Six Dollar Burger1,520 calories, 111 g fat.
#11 - Worst SteakLonestar 20 oz T-bone1,540 calories, 124 g fat.
#10 - Worst BreakfastBob Evans Caramel Banana Pecan Cream Stacked and Stuffed Hotcakes1,540 calories, 77 g fat (9 g trans fat), 198 g carbs (109 g sugar).
#9 - Worst DessertChili's Chocolate Chip Paradise Pie with Vanilla Ice Cream1,600 calories, 78 g fat, 215 g carbs.
#8 - Worst Chinese EntreeP.F. Chang's Pork Lo Mein1,820 calories, 127 g fat, 95 g carbs.
#7 - Worst Chicken EntreeChili's Honey Chipotle Crispers with Chipotle Sauce2,040 calories, 99 g fat, 240 g carbs.
#6 - Worst Fish EntreeOn the Border Dos XX Fish Tacos with Rice and Beans2,100 calories, 130 g fat, 169 g carbs, 4,750 mg sodium.
#5 - Worst PizzaUno Chicago Grill Chicago Classic Deep Dish Pizza2,310 calories, 162 g fat, 123 g carbs, 4,470 mg sodium.
#4 - Worst PastaMacaroni Grill Spaghetti and Meatballs with Meat Sauce2,430 calories , 128 g fat, 207 g carbs 5,290 mg sodium.
#3 - Worst NachosOn the Border Stacked Border Nachos2,740 calories, 166 g fat, 191 g carbs, 5,280 mg sodium.
#2 - Worst StarterChili's Awesome Blossom2,710 calories, 203 g fat, 194 g carbs, 6,360 mg sodium.
#1 - The Worst Food in AmericaOutback Steakhouse Aussie Cheese Fries with Ranch Dressing2,900 calories, 182 g fat, 240 g carbs.

Pre weigh in paranoia!

I weighted myself today as I do every morning and I weight 130 lbs. My next weigh in day is tomorrow and my goal is 129. I am a little bit upset since I weighted 129.6 on Tuesday. Grrrr.

This was been my weight that last few days of August:

Thurs 24th : 132lbs

Friday 25th : 131 lbs

Sat 26th : 131.4 lbs

Sun 27 th : 131.6 lbs

Mon 28th : 130.2 lbs

Tues 29th : 129.6 lbs

Wed 30th : 130.6 lbs

Thurs 31st :130 lbs

Today I'm going to tighten my belt and eat extra fat free and carb free so I can make my goal for tomorrow. I am dying to be in the 120's.

Is it normal for the weight to fluctuate up and down every day?

I think I'm going to change my official weigh ins to every 2 weeks instead of every week so I can see better what direction my weight is going. Now that I wrote down my past weight for the week form Thursday to Thursday I can see that I have lost 2 pounds during that week. Yeah me!

I'm still going to be a little more strict today and tomorrow so that I can stay in the 120's.

I think I'm going to make it an extra strict weekend ;).

Just Thoughts

Thank you all the new visitors who came by to welcome me to the HealthyYou Challenge how wonderful. Anyways just wanted to update my situation. I have been feeling better all day went for two different runs and I'm glad I did because my usual late afternoon one was cut off by rain. Its raining every day and before 5pm its just to hot to go out. Right now I can't afford a gym membership plus the last time I went I couldn't bring myself to go to the classes in fear of the floor to ceiling mirrors. I did one weights class and looking at myself with 30 lbs more than 6 months earlier was way too much for me. I never came back. Its a powerful thing, denial.
Anyways now all is different. Anyways I am weighting myself everyday and I know I just did this post about how many calories I should eat a day and I came to the conclusion I was eating too little, well I readjusted and ate just a little more and I gained .6pounds. So I guess I'm too small to eat like normal people. so I'm going to stick to a 1000 calories a day diet. Which puts me 300 calories under what I need to maintain. (or so I think due to my sister's test that the dietitian person preformed on her). Anyways I have been having a lot of weird sugar cravings. For dinner I would much rather have fruit and yogurt than anything salty. I wonder if this has anything to do with insulin levels and the such from my Pcos? Another thing today I drank 2 gallons of water. The only reason why I realized it is because I bought a two gallon huge bottle thing yesterday and I drank the whole thing today. Is there such a thing as drinking too much water? I don't know but right now I feel thirsty mmmm.
Is there anyone out there that has Polycistic ovarian syndrome such as myself? Just curious. If you do how are you managing your weight loss? are you taking any meds? With pcos weight loss is very important and very hard to achieve. I don't take any meds anymore. I was on Yaz last year but that was horrible and it made me depressed and whack (yeap, like crack I was whack).

ON another note Once Upon a Time's post really made me wanna go back to pilates. It is such an amazing exercise it is especially good for the stomach, my problem area #1 as is usually with us Pcos sufferers. Hopefully I will get that job I'm trying out for on Tuesday and then I can afford pilates and the gym. Now that I have been running a little bit hopefully that mirror won't be too mean to me. or maybe i'll just stay away from it till after 10 more pounds ;)

I found this really cool blog http://spunkysuzi-mydailynosh.blogspot.com/ this amazing lady, just like Katschis takes pictures of all her meals and they are really great for inspiration. Sometimes I just don't know what to eat and I just throw together random ingredient that I nee to have on my meal. That is when I start losing it and want to eat whatever, but looking over all these great choices that these two ladies have on their blogs, I am inspired to eat like them. I am very visual person and when I eat a beautiful meals I am always more content.

Oh yeah, check out my inspiration board. I took this idea from Chrissie who took it from Heather, but I went a little further and pasted my head on a great skinny healthy beach babe body ;) You are what you think right?
CHEERS EVERY ONE.

Lots of Crying

So everyday this week I have been crying a little before I go to sleep. I miss my boyfriend. I think even though I am very happy during the day, and happy about my weight loss. I am also happy that, him breaking up with me has been a wake up call in my life. But I don't know sometimes when I lay alone at night I get a little sad and I cry a little. Anyways yesterday he sends me a text message. First, so you understand, we where together for 3 years and had plans to get married, and he dumped me last week seemingly out of the blue over the phone without shedding one single tear. Now this is the guy who for the last 3 years of my life has been so loving and caring and amazing and, who has always told anyone who would listen how much he loved me and how perfect I am. This is the guy whom I broke up with twice over the course for those 3 years and both times he cried so much and went into a total depression telling the world that he loved me and could not live without my love. So this guy was that guy. That guy; now its been a week since our very tragic break up and he sends me a text message? Can't be bothered to pick up the phone. But worst is what the message says:
"So I guess you are fine right?"
I cannot begin to explain to you guys what I was feeling at that moment. I am devastated he was my life. We had plans, we had named our children. And I had been with him for the last 3 years against my family's wishes which is a very big deal for me. I was very brave and stood up to my parents for him.
The nerve of him sending me that message put me over the top. What is he thinking? What is wrong with him this guy is not that guy. Who is this guy? I have no Idea. I broke down in desperate tears and sent him a message back saying:
"So you think this a matter that should be treated over a text message?"
and he didn't answer so I sent another message saying
"What do you think? My heart is broken... "
again no answer. Idiot.
So last a night I cried a little more than a little bit.
But today another thing bothered me. My Dad calls me fat at least 5 times a day. I usually just ignore him but I guess I have been extra sensitive lately with oh, my boyfriend dumping me and everything. So today he calls me fat again, my mom tells him, "don't say that! She has lost like 10 pounds."He says "well she looks the same. She's fat."
Two thing bothered me here, my Mom exaggerating my weight loss and my Dad demeaning my efforts.
You know what I am 20 lbs over weight. I know it, but it really is not fair that I have to feel like I am 100 lbs over weight. I locked myself in the bathroom and cried for about an hour.
Cried for my ex boyfriend
Cried for my critical father
just cried
It felt good
Now I am ready to start a new day.

My Walks

so I finally took the time, using google maps, to measure the distance I am walking/ jogging daily. It is 2.2 miles or 3.5k. I am trying to do interval training so I walk for a minute jog for a minute. I got this idea from my 21 day metabolism boosting exercise challenge. I have decided to put the whole thing together. So the first 10 minuets I do the exercise thing and then I just kind of jog and walk. I want to get to the point to where I am running all the way. One day, I will be lean and strong enough!

Like X Mas

So it seems to me as a lay in my bed at night, when I know I've had a good day and ate right, That I can't wait till morning to weigh myself!. Everyday is like Xmas. today I weight half a pound than yesterday! Yeah me!! But it has occurred to me that it probably isn't healthy to base all my happiness on my weight. I feel like my life is on hold until I lose the right amount of weight. For example I have shortened my trip to Ecuador so that I have one more week to eat Right before I get there. Also I have rejected many invitations from my friends to go to Miami for the same reason. Hanging out here at home I get really bored and I miss my friends who live Miami, like I used to. But my embarrassment over my weight wins. It seems like all my life I have been doing things like that.

I was listening to a Way Fm, a Christian radio that I love, and a song came on , I cant remember who it was by but I know the message was talking about thanking God for everyday that we have. Being grateful because every day is a blessing. This really got my thinking. I think I am not as grateful as I should be. From no on I'm going to focus of being grateful every single day even if I weight more. Every day should be like X mas because we are given the most beautiful present life. Today I'm going to enjoy my day, be really nice to my parents, do good things for people, be happy and be grateful.

On another note I've been wondering if I'm eating to few calories a day. I feel like I am losing weight too fast. Maybe this is normal, but I am so afraid to gain the weight right back. I was reading Once Upon a Diet yesterday and she has a post about the right amount of calories you are supposed to eat to lose weight etc. She also has this link on her side bar that takes you to this nifty little calculator. If you put your weight, age, measurement, etc. it tells you how much you should eat. When I punched in my details It told me I should be eating 1150 calories a day for a weight loss of .6 lbs per week. But most people say you should not go down less than 1200. Anyway I think I am doing about 1000 right now plus exercise. Maybe this is why I am losing so much weight. I am not, however feeling deprived in any way (well a little deprived from chocolate cake and the such lol). My sister, who is about my size and weight went to a dietitian who put her in some sort of contraption/breathing device and told her that her body needs 1300 calories a day to maintain its weight. If I am about the same and I want to lose 2 pounds a week according to Once Upon a Diet's calculations I should eat only 300 calories a day??? See that is where my problem comes from. I don't know, like I said right now I may be doing about a 1000 a day or maybe even less? hopefully this is healthy for me.

have a wonderful day everybody and remember be grateful, be happy! God Bless

My Diet Plan

So I have noticed that a lot of people here blogging abut their weight loss, are all using different methods to loose the weight. I see the large majority here is using weigh watchers. I tried that once but I am so terrible that I would simply just have one Mc Donald's meal the whole day. I never lost much weight and also it really wasn't healthy for me.



So this is the food regime that actually works for me. It is based on this great Spanish Dietitian's Diet called: Dieta Instintiva (Instinctive Diet) as you can see there is an English version there on the website so you can look through it if you like. Anyways this site has been a great source of knowledge for me. In a nut shell it tells you to increase lean protein (that's right not only switch to lean protein but also increase your intake greatly), eat fruits in between meals as snacks not as dessert, Have no carbs for dinner unless it is fruit, so no real starchy things like rice, pasta, potatoes etc. And if you want to cheat desperately do it for breakfast. Also remember that dinner is the most important meal during weight loss it is what reflects the numbers in your scale. Another thing that it emphasizes is that weight loss is composed of 21 good meals in a week (excluding snacks of course) but the point is that if you cheat or go off your diet for two different meals then weight loss is compromised. This concept is especially important at dinner time. The diet also tells you to eat whatever you want for one meal in the week You get one freebie but only one meal not one day.



Anyways there is all this science to back up these claims and everything. It is a to follow.



oh yeah increase water consumption greatly......

and of course opt for complex carbs, lots of veggies etc like all other diets.

Hope it helps someone out there ;)

Race to lose!

So my sister and I started a weight loss race today. The reason being is that we have one of our best friend's wedding in Ecuador on the 16Th of August. Lots of pictures are going to be taken and more importantly I am going to go face one of my biggest fears. Latin American Standards. I have been ruing that day for some time now. It is very unacceptable to be overweight there. All the girls I know weigh 100 lbs or less. I'm not kidding. I know that everyone will be looking at me as if I were an elephant, but at least I'm going to be a little less heavy when that day comes. My goal weight loss for that day is 123 lbs! I will have lost 13 lbs total by then. For a 5 feet tall girl that is a big difference.

I had planned to go down there and stay at least 10 days, but since I don't want it to get in the way of my weight loss I decided to go just for the weekend! I am also promising myself I am not going to go food crazy. I am going to indulge but only in 2 things. I will only be allowed to have two cheats while I'm there.

Anyways, about my 21 day challenge yesterday I was so tired after my usual exercise rutine, that I could could not bring myself to do it. Really sucks. Then I started rationalizing to myself that I'm probably no even supposed to be doing that exercise everyday at all and that I could just do ti tomorrow and keep counting. So in light of me being a big baby I am going to continue with the challenge today. I am going to do that exercise for 21 days even if it kills me.

No more Mrs nice girl to myself. I bet Ali Vincent wasn't.

In Awe of your strength

I was reading a bunch of different blogs and I realized something that is very important. I am in complete awe of all you ladies out there who are going to loose (positive action thinking is better that saying trying to loose) 100+ lbs. I have such respect for you ladies and I just want to say that I will keep you in my prayers so that God will give you strength, happiness and general well being. My goal of losing 34 lbs pales in comparison to yours. However the reason why I started this blog is because I realize I have a very unhealthy relationship with food. Overeating and binging and purging have been a part of my life since I can remember. These 30 pounds I am trying to loose I gained them this year. That is my cycle I loose and gain about 20 pounds every year. But every year its more weight. I feel like I should change the name of my blog to establishing a healthy relationship with food. I'm going to think of a better name that's catchy though. I wanna thank all you ladies out there just for being there. For sharing your story. You inspire me. I think we are all here on a path to establish a healthy relationship with food, one that will stay with us for the rest of our lives and that is what this is all about!

celebration

I had a moment of weakness today after dinner and I started to wolf down pork rinds. they i decided that I was not going to do that to myself. So I decided that is I really wanted to eat I would eat something that I enjoy so I ate one chocolate cake from goodones? simple ones? I don't know they're supposed to be diet food . It was really gos, I added I scoop of vanilla ice scream as a celebration for my 5 pounds lost! After I finished that I felt satisfied and a little guilty. But I guess one celebratory cheat is actually good for me ;) Tomorrow is another day!

Weight in day #1

Hooray! My first weight in day is here! I know I started my transformation on a Friday and not on a Monday (like most nomal people)> I think I did this because I usually feel fatter on Fridays when I want to go out with friends etc. During the week since I am at home wearing pajamas I feel just fine. Anyway, today I weight 5 pounds less than a week ago isn't that great? And the best part is that I really feel motivated to keep going. In the last year this is as far as I've gone many times and then have regained it all the following week. This time is better, this time I'm blogging, I feeling better about myself.

I have Job tryout next week at a magazine that I like. Its called Newsmax Media. I am really exited and praying that it is the right pathway for me. I am going to keep praying about it next week when I go for the trail. Being a graphic designer this is how it works I go in for a week if they love me the offer me the job. Here's hoping!

I'll keep you guys posted! ON my 21 day challenge I am happy to report that its been 2 days and I'm going strong. Boy this is really great exercise it takes only 10 minutes but when I'm done I feel like I went to the gym for 2 hours, I'm not kidding. Its amazing.

Today I had pizza for breakfast. I used a low carb wrap as the crust and used one single part skim mozzarella stick as the cheese for the whole thing. I shredded it. I used lots of Fresh tomato slices, low fat ham, Oregon and pizza seasoning herbs as well as a sprinkling of onion powder! I put it in the mini oven until the cheeses melted. mmmm!! I recommend it. you can also Ragu ad sauce but I had none so I went with lots of fresh tomato instead... ;)

I'm in a happy place right now!! since my favorite happy place in the worl is NYC I posted a picture I took there a couple years ago.

Greetings from a happy place!

TOKEN GIRL'S CHALLENGE

As I am a newbie here I was late to start Token Girl's challenge so I am going to start it today. For 21 days I am going to do the following metabolism incresing exercise:

1) Perform 30 seconds of hard exercise like running in place.
2) Perform 60 seconds of moderate exercise (casual jog or brisk walk).
3) Repeat this process 10 times.
4) Cool down for 3-5 minutes.

http://www.flat-stomach-exercises.com/best-stomach-exercise.html
(this is where I got it from by the way)

Anyways if I complete this challenge I will be very happy and will have to think of something really good that I will do for myself.

Starting today

CHeers

Orgnization helps

So since this post is about not only weight loss now but also self control and order in my life I am glad to report that I have been doing very well. Every night before I go to bed I make a list of everything that must be accomplished the next day, and I can't watch soaps, TV or get bored until I finish all those things! It has really helped me feel better about myself! An organized person is a happy person, self control is so important! Some one told me once that that if you play all day play seems like work and if you work all day the you will really appreciate those moments you have to play! or something like that. That is the idea anyways I believe it also applies to weight loss if you seat around devouring everything you can think about without even giving it a second thought you are overindulging yourself so much that the most luscious chocolate cake is not as great because you have it every day!

Today has been a great day. Last night i got a little sad again but I am blessed with great girl friends who called and just chatted with me, that made me feel better. I think that after a break up the most terrible thing to overcome if the feeling of abandonment and loneliness. But I am going along pretty well, loosing weight is really giving me that extra happy juice to work with. Today I'm going to go out and walk /run for 45 min and the I'm going to do a pilates exercise video that found on youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WwK9lWwxnw

and I really need to get in some but exercises so I'm going to do this video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQYYM6t8Qfk

so hopefully I will some day look like that model ;)

YO-YO life

So I didn't sleep last night again. I was too sad. But the fasting really helped me, I am glad I did it, this morning I weighed 131 lbs. Will probably go back up to 132 tomorrow though just because fast always makes you lose many ponds which you gain right back once you eat anything. Talking about fasting, I tried a juice fast like two weeks ago and I lost like 5 pounds in 4 days. But the my plan was to start diet and exercise but I failed and gained the weight right back.This year it has been like that all year, I start great, loose 5 pounds and then gain them back, over and over. I am such a cliche Yo-Yo dieter it's not even funny. Why do I keep doing this to myself. I should post pictures of me over the years. Fat, thin, fat, thin, fat, thin every year its the same since I can remember. I usually loose about 30 lbs. and gain then back up during the year. Every year and in the between of those big yo yo tragedies, like I like to call them I usually have the little 5 pound tragedies.
Well I've decided this is going to be the last year I'm going to subject my body to that It probably is terribly unhealthy not too mention all the stretch marks I already have.

My biggest problem I think is the binging. I don't know why but sometimes I just feel like I want to eat and eat and eat and literally like a vacuum cleaner and its not even the food that I enjoy as much as it is the crazy quantities that I ingest at one sitting. Why? Why does this happen I really feel sometimes i need to go to therapy of some sort for this problem. Right now it's under control though, hopefully it wont rear its ugly head soon.

Does anyone else out there feel this way?

My quest to change

I realize now that my quest to exchange my bad habits for good habits will not stop at my nutrition. I am going to undergo a reconstruction of myself from outside to inside. I realize this is no easy task, but like I said before I have a lot of faith in God.
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!"
Is my favorite bible quote.
Notice it says all things not some things, not only the important things, not only little things, ALL THINGS.

Well I have decided that by the purification of the Holly Spirit I am going to change and be a new person. I realize I am full of bad habits I confess right here to you all the things I would never admit even to my self:

I am slob
I never do laundry
Sometimes I even don;t shower and sometimes when I'm laying in bed I am way to lazy to get up and brush my teeth,
Which bring me to the most terrible thing, I am lazy. Very lazy, at 26 I have never done an honest day's work in my life . I mean I have never had a 9 to 5 job (this a fruit of my very privileged upbringing I was spoiled by my parents to no end, please don't make this mistake with your children, because today I understand what the Bible says about punishing your children. It says you should and often, it says that if you let your children do what they want you are harming them immensely more that if you lovingly correct them. This is all so incredible true. I am a fruit of that and now forming good habits is going to take me a million times more effort than someone who was brought up that way.)
Anyway, where was I? Yes to continue with my bad habits the obvious one here is I eat too much and whatever I feel like eating at any time, as much as I want. I have no self control. I snap at people way too often and believe myself to be better than others way more than I would ever like to admit. These are all horrible horrible things, How can I expect any man to love a woman like that? How can I expect anyone to live a person like that.

Anyway I am here today telling the world that I am on a quest to change, to become a Christian who is deserving of her Christianity and I believe it is possible only through the power o the Holly Spirit and through the grace of my Lord and Savior Jesus.

Today I decided to not eat anything and only drink water because I wanted to fast, I also decided I would not do any activity that is worthless or leisurely. I am only allowed on the computer now to write this post which I believe is productive for me and for anyone who reads it (hopefully). Anyways love and peace to all. GoD BLess ;)

My menu

This is what I had today, yes even though I was dumped I am very proud of myself:

Breakfast
2 slices of carb light bread
2 slices of swiss cheese
sugarfree calorie free juice
(I also ate half of my nephew's leftover regular toast with straberry jam , I just felt band throwing it away!)

S
1 orange

L
Some chiken pulled of my Brother's food, He ordered chinese si I picked the chiken from the noodles and ate only that (not sure how good that was)
Some steamed vegetables
1 cup of soup light with beans leftover from yesterday

s
1 lime with salt (I know too much sodium but i love it)

D
salad: lettuce tomato and onion with canola oil and vinegar
1 egg with only one yolk an lots of whites to try to ad more lean protein to my diet!

Looks pretty good hooray for day #2

Also special thanks to Chubby Chic for being the first person to ever leave a comment on my blog! I thank you so much or your kinds words!

My world turned upside down

Well as murphy's law would have it here I was just yesterday bragging about my boy wonder boyfriend who I love with all my heart and believed I was going to marry, well today he dumps me. I am so devastates I can't even cry. I realized one think at least I've been putting my life on hold just waiting untill the day we would get married, start a family, and really start living. I've been sitting on my butt everyday for too long. Today I applied for many jobs. As it happens that God is so great (I am a born again Christian) That just last week I finally got my work permit. I have been waiting to be able to work in this country for 4 years since I graduated from college in 2004. Four years of my life waisted, four years of my life I also spent with my now ex boyfriend. Well I think that really there is a leason to be learned here. Hopefully I will get a job soon I am going to pray a lot abou it. I wonder if my weight problem finally got my boyfriend to leave me? Or maybe its that I've been a slob for all these years doing nothing but watching soaps and facebooking. I like to tell myself that I was unable to work due to legal stuff but who am I kidding, there are plenty of people in this country who have nothing and are in a much worst situation that I was (ilegally swam the rio grande and stuff) and they are out there making a life for themselves earning a living, deserving the bread they eat. I, on the other hand, guess I really do not deserve to have been eating all the crap I had been eating.

This was shaping out to be such a great day. At least I haven't cheated on my weightloss plan in the old days this breakup would have driven me right into a Mc Donals, now I'm thinking I hope I loose a lot of weight really fast before I see him again. It is really hard to be chubby and single but that's a whole other post.

Hopefully someone out there is reading my posts. I really need this rigth now and would really appreciate comments.

scared

As I looked for the right name for my blog to document my departure form the city of lard and my arrival to the city of ultra thin and chicness, I realized I am not the only person who has thought of documenting their ordeal. The names Iwannabeskinny.blogspot.com, skinnyme.blogspot.com, beingskinny.blogspot.com and many other have been taken by my fellow aspiring-to-be-thin women. I came to a terrible realization that almost all these blogs died at the first week. All start like this, day one: I am so encouraged I will never be fat again blah blah blah and all abruptly stop. This is so sad. The longest one i found goes on for one month in 2006. I am very sorry for my fellow lard asses out there. Here's hoping my story won't be the same. Today has been a good day,
this is what i ate:
breakfast
1 slice of bread 2 slices of swiss cheese
orange juice

lunch
salad lettuce onion tomato vinegar an canola oil
vegetable soup not extra fat added with beans

snack
banana

dinner
more salad of the same

exercise:
20 minutes running around with my nephew outside (yes that counts since i usually sit on my ass all day on the computer checking and rechecking my facebook profile or watching soups posted on youtube)

I saw the light

So finally I came to the conclusion that I am fat. I am 26 years olds. I've had many great looking boyfriends and actually have one righ now. He is beautifull fit, 6 foot tall size 32 jeans and boulging with muscles. Yes, he is one of those people blessed by genetics. The reason why I bring him up however is to portray to you why I had never realized I was fat before. I have always had a very pretty face and an outgoing personality and I guess, yes I can say it an ego that is much bigger that my 5 foot frame. Looking at magazines of other beautiful women never made me feel less than them because I am a photographer and graphic designer, and believe me I can make anyone look like Britney Spears post mental breakdown. ( I could probably get her too look that way now with enough photoshop ;) ) So having had the attention of beautiful men all my life along with the knowledge that actresses are pure photoshop enhancement, and lately avoding mirrors has lead me to believe that I am thin, at least normal/average weight.Anyways, watching the Miss Universe has finally made me come to the conclusion that I am indeed overweight. Notice what is the only thing all the most beautifull women in the universe have in common? Their very thin bodies. They have big noses, small noses, blonde hair, brown hair, big eyes, long faces, short necks, whatever. The only thing that ties all beauty queens together is their weight.Having always thought of myself as a beautiful women this has started bothering me very much. And yes don't get me wrong I know all about the empowering of plus sized women and all that crap, I get it whatever. But if all that where true why is it that Miss Universe 2008 Dayana Mendoza reminds me of skeletor and everyone thinks she is gorgeous?Have I had a warped view of beauty all this time or does the world?anyways in view of this I have decided to loose 36 pounds, I want to weight 100 lbs.Or less. I have dieted many times in my life but I have never been a skinny girl. NOw I want to be a skinny girl. That is what I want and hopefully will achieve it and be able to push myself, that is the reason why I decided to document my struggle with this blog!