what is wrong with me and more venting

I don''t know why I cant get back on track.  Today I had perfect breakfast and perfect lunch and then I ate two whole chocolate bars and plantain chips for dinner(my friend sent them to me from Ecuador). Why I am I doing this? I am waiting to gain back all the weight I have lost? I want to stop. Help!  I have done no exercise for about a week. I feel myself drifting to the bad place.. The I'll-just-eat-whatever-I-want-and-think-about-it-later place. I keep rationalizing that I really don't look so bad.  I really want to lose the weight and be healthy. I want to have a healthy relationship with food. I want to have a healthy nutrition so that my body can fight off any sickness and be strong. This is what I want. roght now I weigh 130 lbs. Bad. Bad. Bad. just 5 pounds would bring me to a very happy place. 10 would be glory. In august I have gained two pounds. There is still a week left in august so I have to get my act together and at least end up without a gain. This is so hard for me right no. I am such a Binger its not even funny. 

Miami Vacation

So I know its been more than a week since my last post. I went away to Miami for the whole week. I had a blast. The white sand and crystal clear water. It was really awesome and recharging. I went swimming in the ocean almost every day and was pretty good with my eating for the first couple of days then too much wine got in the way and before I realized it I have gained 2 pounds.  BUt its OK I really needed that week to unwind . I have great news, I start to work on Monday! I am so excited. so I know that now that I'll be out of the house all day I will have less time to eat. Over all I am feeling much better that the last time I posted even though I have gained some weight I really feel like I am creeping along to my goal of a new and improved me. Now that I'm back home full steam ahead to weight loss !

I'm going to check in with my favorite blogs hope you all are doing well and keep going down :)

cheers!!

Binge #2

so I ate many things I cant even mention here. The last 2 days I've been eating. I think it is because I bought 100 calorie packs os twix chocolates. I decided to have one for my snack instead of what I usually have and It didn't take my hunger away. And I ended up eating all the 7 chocolates and after tat I had chips and lots of rice with meat. I have gained 1.6 pounds. I am dusting off the twix crumbles and moving on. Today I had the right breakfast and am plannin the right lunch with lots of veggies. I pray to God there will no more funny business. I wonder why I have been so unmotivated the last 2 days. Wait, call from my ex. Have been very bored at home too. Wish I could be back in Miami. I pray that someone will call me today about that job I went to try out last week. all in all gloomy feelings out here in the sunny state. 

Fidgeting = Weight loss

Even though I really do not like Oprah much due to her agenda of pushing her new age stuff on people I was reading thought her site on weight loss and I found something quiet interesting. People who are natural fidgeters burn at least 1000 more calories a day than those of us who are passive. I guess it makes perfect sense but wow.  And my mom was always telling me to sit still. I blame her. I have decided I'm going to strive to move and fidget all day even if it just moving my toes :) I'n not sure who much I will be able to keep this up since natural fidgeters do it unconsciously but is worth a try. I will fidget as much as possible. I will keep you all posted on the results lol.

cbs

Cheers

Twilight oreo zone

128? even with the oreos and Ice cream? something very weird is going on. I like it!! lol :)

SO I had oreos and vanilla Ice cream. Weekends are just bad for me,

BOREEEEEEEEED

I am bored out of my mind! I think I might go crazy. I really need to find some friends out here. I want to go back to Miami............. aghhhh suburbia hell is killing me~ Now I know why I have been eating so much the last 8 months or so to kill my boredom.  Must find interesting things to do. 

Must find cute guys to date.......... Must find al least someone to go to the movies with. Life in the country is soooooo slowwwww!

Imaginary weight in day #3

Drum roll please..................... 128.6 almost a whole pound less. Very exciting to be in the 128.anything. A little bit scary too. I'm actually doing this. I can't believe it.  I don't know why I felt this way this morning. This time I am finally really committed to losing all of the extra weight not just the recently acquired from the last weight loss attempt, like I usually do.  I have never been skinny. I'm a little scared that I will do it and at the same time excited. Do people respect skinny girls as much? I don't know why I started thinking about that today. Do all skinny girls seem like bimbos to you?   I supposed I will have to do away with that preconceived notion because not too far away from today I myself will be a SKINNY girl. Can't believe it.

The incredible part is I'm actually enjoying the food.  Before I would have just stuffed anything into my mouth without giving it a second thought. Just lots of carbs, pasta with lots of cheese or rice or a sandwich or whatever, nothing too creative. Now I find myself searching for new ways to eat different things and that effort is really paying off. I love to eat fresh fruit and vegetables with my meals. Yesterday I made this awesome spinach quiche  and you can find the recipe here. They turned out sooo good. I substituted shredded carrots and yellow squash for the peppers and added garlic and cumin and fat free turkey bacon. I also made a cheese sauce to go with it. I just put cottage and a couple of leaves of parsley and salt in the blender. MMMMm so good. I cant wait to have it as a side dish today at lunch (lunch is the biggest meal in my day which is customary of Latin Americans and incidentally a good thing in weight loss)  anyways my crust less quiche is packed full of veggies and protein because of the egg whites.  I'm going to keep looking for other recipes for vegetables. This quiche thing I'm already thinking it's going to be great to add anything to.

Us Latin American we just don't eat steamed vegetables. It is too plain. You will never be offered that anywhere over there and because of that i guess I don't really like them, especially broccoli yuck!!!. Quiches however are a really big part of our foods, quiches and tarts and casseroles. That is where we get a lot of our veggies from. Also very intricate salads. So now I'm going to dig up recipes for all the veggie filled meals I like and make them healthy. I'm excited. I have always liked veggies very much in such dishes.

I had one problem yesterday. I went running and my knees felt really weak. Especially behind the knees and especially when I started running faster. I felt like they would give away at any time. So I cut my run short and walked home. I wonder what is going on. I think I'm going to stop running for a couple of days, Maybe my knees are tired? Maybe I haven't been stretching enough? I anyways  I'm kind of sad about that. 

So today has been lots of mixed feelings but over all I think excitement is the biggest feeling going around these parts.

I say all this because today is the day that I finally see real results. Its not in my head anymore. My pants are definitely loser. I feel the difference and it feels wonderful!

Update

So I've been really lazy and haven't gone running in two days.  Tomorrow would be weight in day if I hadn't changed it to every two weeks and let me tell you I am glad I changed it because as of today I weight the same. At least I lost the pound that I gained thanx to the binge. Yuck, I would have been one pound under ;( thus locking myself in the 120's for good. 129.4 is a little too close to 130 for my taste. 

Today's goals:

-watch my portions, even though its good food it still adds up.

-Run the 2.1 miles interval training all the way.

hopefully tomorrow I will weigh at least .2 pounds less ;)

The fat pants in levels

I have a problem. I know at first I thought I was losing weight too fast. I also know I've only been eating well for 2 weeks now going on the third one but I feel like now It is too slow. Last week from friday to friday I only lost 1.6 pounds and now I'm thinking what if the scale was just wrong. I have also measured myself and I appear to have lost some inches every where but I cant help but feel that maybe I was just measuring wrong before, maybe I left the measuring tape too lose?  

I have been going out for runs doing interval training everyday so I feel like I should be seeing more results especially since I have changed my routine so drastically. 

Maybe I just need to relax and continue living my life and trust that all my efforts will count in the long run.  Also I think I may be self-sabotaging

. When I started my weight loss efforts 3 weeks ago I was the heaviest I had been in all of my life. Now 6 pounds later I am still at the heaviest I have ever been. I just wish time could by sooner so I can reach 125 lbs which is a weight that I can deal with.  At this rate that is going to be in a month. I guess that's not so bad. I guess I just want some kind of warranty that if I keep doing exactly what I am doing I will lose at least 1.6 pounds a week and that those 1.6 pounds aren't just normal up and down caused by water weight or something. How do I know? I guess only time will tell. In the past I have lost at least 4 pounds per week but I guess that is why I gained it all back. I am just used to losing weight fast, and the moving on with my life. I guess I have to live my life in weight loss mode. I know I have posted about this before but I guess I just go back to that thought all the time.

This past week I have been wearing my ex fat pants that now fit me tightly. Yes I have ex fat pants because recently I bought a new pair of fat pants that I had been wearing because nothing else would fit me. The new fat pants are now slightly loser on me so in my lack a patience I already want to squeeze into the next pair of fat pants down. I'm not going to do this anymore. 

As I see it I have 5 levels of pants in my closet

-1 The final fat pants: pants bought last month which are the biggest ever

-2 Extra fat pants: the ones I bought last year when I gained all the weight then. (this are the ones I have been squeezing into this week)

-3 The "fat pants": as I like to refer to a pair of pants that I used to wear in college as my fat pants but are significantly smaller that the previous mentioned pants.

-4 The normal pants: there are 3 pairs of pants that I like to believe are my normal weight pants but in reality I have only been able to wear them for 3 or 4 months of the year in the las 4 years when I get to my "normal weight" Which is every time I yo yo down. Once a year

-5 The tiny pants: This are a pair of pants that I ordered online and are really cute but for some reason were so tiny they never fit me. I have only worn this pants once in my life and this was due to a severe depression that I went through as a side effect of birth control bad bad Yaz. Imagine I was so skinny I could fit into the tiny pants and not even that could make me smile at the time. 

Now i have decided to make this my new goal. I want to fit into those tiny pants and be happy at the same time!

So now that I have explained the 5 levels of pants that live in my closet my point with all this was that I am not going to try to squeeze into the next level down pants until the current level pants feel so lose that I can't wear them comfortably anymore. I came to the realization that if every time I feel a little bit thiner I run and try to squeeze my booty into something smaller I'm never going to be encouraged. I have to be thankful first that I feel a little thinner that 3 weeks ago and that is the important thing.

I ask my lord Jesus to give me strength! and he will because he is very faithful. (for those who haven't figured it out yet, yes I can be a little super christian Jesus freak lol but I can't help it)

all in all I really thank you guys for checking on me and commenting on my rants, and really keeping me accountable.

God Bless! 

someday I will be fit into those elusive tiny pants!

Day after Binge, re-organization.

So I got up this morning and I was really hungry. That always happens to me after a binge which is ridiculous. When I have a huge dinner the next day I'm starving, maybe my brain adapts to eating a lot an thinks its the way its going to be from then on I don't know. 

I had a small breakfast of 1 slice of carb light bread some ham and coffee. I know not ideal especially since you are supposed to indulge at breakfast time to keep from feeling deprived but I figured I wont be feeling deprived any time soon after last night.  Also I went shopping for healthy goodies so that I can be prepared. I have to eat healthy food that I love. I was reading this post earlier and I got really inspired by it. I will not just push broccoli into my mouth to fill me up. I have decided I don't really like broccoli. Yuck. I am also getting very tired of cottage cheese, I need to find an alternative way to eat lean proteins. I don't really like seafood. MM well I like shrimp and tuna. The problem with tuna is that my mind has already labeled it diet food. When I eat tuna I feel like I'm being punished. I wonder how I can disassociate tuna from diet food because I really do like it. Its just that I never have it unless I an consciously trying to eat more lean proteins. Mmmm. What to do. I think I'm just not going to have any tuna unless I have a craving for it of some kind. There will be no more forced eating of anything.   

The funny thing is that when I was eating whatever and gaining weight like crazy I would eat rice and cheese and pasta everyday. Why is it I never got tired of white rice, pasta, white bread and cheese? But cottage cheese, beans and tuna if I eat them too often drive me crazy. This week I will not have any of those 3 things unless I crave them.

I keep you guys posted on what happens.  

Despues de la Tormenta Llega la Calma (the calm after the storm)

I don't know what happened everything was going fine I had cooked extra healthy meat loaf with summer squash, carrots, onions and egg whites. I had my perfect lunch and all was great. But then my stomach started to ache a little bit. I think I might have to eat more carbs because I have been eating too much protein I don't know. But then my Mom , Nephew and Sister came in with Burger King bags and that was it I don't know what come over me and I ate like a crazy person. It was so disgusting and the worst part is that I felt so full, my poor stomach, I wanted to throw up (sorry for being so graphic), but I have this terrible fear of becoming Bulimic.  So I waited for a little bit for the food to settle and went out for some exercise. I jogged for 20 minutes and my stomach was killing me . I kid you not it is 10:30 pm, I ate this stuff at around 3:00 pm and I still feel abnormally full.  That food is so bad for you my body is complaining. I already apologized to myself for the sabotage. Ew, really at least I felt so physically sick that I might have learned my lesson.  Incredible and I really did not eat that much I mean 3 weeks ago I could have had twice that amount of food and kept on going like nothing happened. So I guess this is my way of looking at the glass half full. ;) I also went online and saw a lot of information that says that one Binge does not affect you weight at all as long as you continue you weight loss efforts. We'll see about that. I don't think I have the courage to weight myself tomorrow. Thank you Heather and Mizfit for your support ;) 

Jim, I know, it doesn't just sound disgusting, it is disgusting, yuck yuck yuck!

You know what I am thinking Smartones are to blame (I have their chocolate cake for breakfast twice a week). They are the only food that I have indulging in, they left the door open for that type of crap to creap into my diet.  I vow not to eat them anymore!

Tomorrow twice the exercise and Tuesday too just in case!

binge

so I went crazy and ate half a whopper some fries, some chicken fries and two pancakes with syrup and butter .. ooooooowwww aghhh I am so full I'm going to explode!!!  oh yeah and some Coke non diet

Survey about me

What time did you get up this morning? 7:49 am

Diamonds or pearl ? diamonds are a girl's best friend!

What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Wally it was so cute!

What is your favorite TV show? Greys Anatomy

What do you usually have for breakfast? Yoghurt, fruit, walnuts and honey.

What is your middle name? Cristina no h

What food do you dislike? beets ew

What is your favorite CD at the moment? Caetano Veloso, Prenda Minha, beautiful bosanova Brasilian music!

What kind of car do you drive? used to drive a blue bmv thai i loved Her name was smurfette. But had to sell her on account of crumbling economy ;( now I have no car.

Favorite sandwich? Sanducherie Miami Beach, incedrible sandwiches, any of them with their mustard sauce

What characteristic do you despise? Fake

Favorite item of clothing? my skinny jeans when i fit in them. Or any cute bouble dress that makes me look 10 pounds less

If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Italy and switzerland.

Where would you retire to? Near my family.

What was your most recent memorable birthday? I turned 26 and when to Tapas & Tintos, wonderfull spanish place with live music, dancing lots of Sangria!

Furthest place you are sending this? where it wants to go

Person you expect to send it back first? mmmm

When is your birthday? Nov 22

Morning person or a night person? Morning, even when I used to party a lot in college I would be up the ext day at 9 am

What is your shoe size? 6

Pets? 3 dogs 2 cats

Any exciting news you’d like to share with us? Job tryout on Tuesday!

What did you want to be when you were little? Veterinarian

How are you today? Happy, a little melancholic and a little anxious because I have to study a lot for Tuesday.

What is your favorite flower? daisy

What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to seeing? Oct 10, final weight in

What are you listening to right now? dead silence inside my house, birds chirping outside, computer buzzing.

What was the last thing you ate? splurged at breakfast, Smartones chocolate cake with light vanilla ice cream

Do you wish on stars? No I pray to God and He answers.

If you were a crayon, what color would you be? I love crayons mmmm I would be hot pink or sienna one that has a cool name and personality!

How is the weather right now? beautiful blue sky!

Last person you spoke to on the phone? My Greek friend that I love.

Favorite soft drink? Iced tea

Favorite restaurant? Villaggio at Merrick Park in Coral Gables. I love their Pastas.

Favorite color? Yellow since I was little.

What was your favorite toy as a child? stuffed dog that was missing one ear and one eye. His name was "Perrito"

Summer or winter? summer

Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate, that's a stupid question!! lol

Coffee or tea? coffee

Do you want your friends to email you back? sure

When was the last time you cried? last night watching my Novela when Alfonso Corte Real died he was so handsome and brave and yet Rosario never loved him. lol! he died in battle as the Hero he was!

What is under your bed? Some of my old art work that can't bring myself to sell and have been offered lots of money for. Also these mats that have spikes that my Mom puts on my bed so that our Great Dane Gaston won't climb on my bed.

What did you do last night? Watched my Novela, read the Bible.

What are you afraid of? Not being able to accomplish what God had prepared for my life.

Salty or sweet? sweet

How many keys on your key ring? none door is always open at this house

How many years at your current job? doing what i'm doing now its been 4 years

Favorite day of the week? mmm all days are good

Do you make friends easily? I am very outgoing, so yes my Mom used to say I could be befriend rocks if they sat next to me in school.

How many people will you send this to? none, I'm hoping they will read it here and post their own lists if the want.

How many will respond? 1?

Weigh in day #2

Hello!! happy morning today at weight in land!! I weigh 129.4!!! yeah baby!! I'm the 120's I haven't been in a long time . It's critical diet concentration time ladies and gentlemen! I'm going to continue with the extra strict weekend! this was my perfect menu yesterday:
Breakfast
1 carblight wrap pizza with
extra mozzarella cheese (wanted to indulge in the morning)
Fresh tomatoes
low fat ham
olive oil
Lunch
-pulled chicken with onions (I boil the chicken in water with onions salt and garlic, when its fully cooked I pull it to make string like pieces, then I sautee it on a pan with sweet onions and sprinkle any herbs or seasoning, its great for Mexican dishes)
-salad with spinach, beans, avocado, chick peas, tomatoes and celery and chives
-vinegar and lemon dressing
Dinner
1 big omelet with one egg and added egg whites from carton
spinach
onions
ham
tomatoes
1 side of cottage cheese
I had no snacks because I didn't feel hungry and that ladies and gents is what I call one perfect strict diet day!
I also ran 2.2 miles and did my metabolism boosting exercise